Let\'s Talk About Sex
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| #1 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Maturity please.
Sex is awesome. |
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| #2 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Maturity please.
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| #3 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #2 by superspecialyugi | Reply | | If you have nothing positive to contribute to a general discussion thread, please don't post. |
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| #4 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | So you stick the penis in the vagina?
Oh... Whoops... |
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| #5 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | My 9th grade bio teacher once exclaimed to us... "SEX... FEELS.... GOOD!!!!"
I tend to agree. |
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| #6 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #4 by HeavyDDR | Reply | | Frankly, the other way round is too difficult. |
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| #7 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | I've never had it and I have been saving myself... 16 years out of necessity (couldn't get any)... aand from then til present, out of choice.
Yeah, too tired to post anything like... informative... but this is still serious...
[ I had better not get loads of reply comments saying some rubbish about sex being "sinful" ಠ_ಠ ] |
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| #8 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #7 by JesusRocks | Reply | Sex isn't a sin, it's just a big responsibility, which is why it's wise to stay celibate until marriage. I have yet to meet a couple who wasn't at least engaged before they had sex that lasted longer than a year after they had it.
Besides, it lowers the number of people you've had sex with down, therefore lowering the chance of you getting an STD. It's just practical, really, even if it's really hard sometimes. But it's probably worth it. |
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| #9 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Humans are sexual creatures. That is, it is in our nature to have sex, to want sex, and to seek out sex. It's not even a choice...that is, whether or not to actually engage in sexual activity is a choice, but sexual desire of some sort is innate in most people.
And as far as the notion of remaining celibate until marriage, I think that's a bit silly, if not highly impractical. Because why do people get married? In the old days it was indeed, for the most part, a business transaction (the farmer would marry his daughter to another farer's son, and would get X amound of cattle and Y pieces of silver in return), but in the modern world, I'd assume that people marry because they love each other, and intend to have a lifelong romantic relationship, grow old together, and all that good stuff (correct me if I'm wrong).
So if we accept that marriage is a serious, lifelong commitment, then remaining celibate until marriage just isn't practical. I'd been said that sex is a big responsibility, but I think marriage is a much bigger responsibility.
Granted, I'm not saying that everyone should be as promiscuous as possible and have sex with everything they see, in fact far from it. I'm just saying that I think it's possible to have a meaningful, healthy, sexual/emotional relationship with someone, without the relationship being as intense, long-term or significant as marriage. And I think that once something such as the prospect of sex is no longer an incentive for marriage, marriage becomes more significant and meaningful in its own right.
Also, on the overall subject of sex, I think Freud put it best when he said "Everyone loves sex, and we're obsessed with sex, and kids are little sexpots, and we're all going to have sex, and the world is full of sex, so everybody should have sex"
By the way, that's translated from German, so it may have lost some of its original poetic value. |
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| #10 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | | It's only for marriage! It's not before the marriage! It seals marriage! It is the marriage! |
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| #11 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Would guys look twice at a girl if she didn't behave sexually?
I have dated a lot of losers, they only wanted one thing, if they didn't get it they left.
Ironically those guys were all older than me, too. one jerk ditched me because so idiot was spreading lies about me and he believed them. I am convinced my child was the product of rape. I was saying 'no' and he kept going. I won't press charges because I stayed with the guy. I admit fully that it was a stupid mistake, and my error completely.
It's hard for me to date, guys don't notice me. In real life I am short and stocky. There is some bitterness, as well as the fact that I have a mental illness. Guys see me as damaged and don't want me, IMO. |
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| #12 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Abstinence programs, even though they claim to prevent teen pregnancy and STD\'s, do not really work well, because they scare kids out of sex to the point where they are afraid to use protection, and then end up doing it without it..
Even though saving sex before marriage is a good way to protect yourself, you can still get STD\'s from your wife/husband. The important thing is, if you are going to have sex not for children, then use protection and/or birth control pills. If you do want kids, get each other checked by a doctor. And more importantly, make sure the person that is going to stick their manstick into you (or where you will stick your manstick into) loves you as well as you do. (Because no one wants an unwanted child).
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| #13 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | I is horny :P
BTW thank you Jesus .. that messages made me feel a little alright :) |
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| #14 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | stick their manstick into you
Manstick eh, what are you 5? Call it a penis for crying out loudI is horny :P.... thank you Jesus
Awesome, i never though I would ever see those two things together in one post. |
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| #15 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Would guys look twice at a girl if she didn't behave sexually?
Is this what you really think of us? You say that you dated a lot of losers, but then again you did pick them. I'm sorry to be so insensitive, but I find this to be a recurring pattern in a lot of women. They say that they want someone funny and compassionate, but at the end of the day the only guys getting laid are the assholes. Just once I would like to see a girl admit that she likes to be ingored, verbally abused, and used like a sex object. I'm not talking about all women here, but there are quite a few who fit this description. |
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| #16 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #15 by killshot | Reply | I also mentioned that I was bitter, too. I've been through hell, naturally I am angry.
What happens when the guy doesn't take no for an answer? |
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| #17 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #9 by Tatterdemalion | Reply | You make some good points. But shouldn't sex and marriage be interrelated? Now I know what you're saying when you say:
And I think that once something such as the prospect of sex is no longer an incentive for marriage, marriage becomes more significant and meaningful in its own right.
but there will come a time during that marriage when sex just becomes a normal part of life.
So if we accept that marriage is a serious, lifelong commitment, then remaining celibate until marriage just isn't practical.
How is it not practical? I don't understand where you're coming from with this statement.
I guess my point is that marriage solidifies your relationship with the person you love. Sex, if both parties consent, is something that attaches you very, very much to your partner physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc. If you have that attachment before your relationship is solidified, it could lead to a messy break-up. Not always, but usually. I've seen it, and it's sad, and that's an understatement.
Even though saving sex before marriage is a good way to protect yourself, you can still get STD\'s from your wife/husband.
True, but that also depends on how many sexual partners your wife/husband had before you. My Biology professor said that you have sex with everyone your partner had sex with previously. If you both marry as virgins by the time you're about 20 or older then it's highly unlikely for you to get one. Isn't there a correlation between the rise of STDs and the "Free Love Movement?" |
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| #18 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | I'm with Mrs.SallyBakura, sex isn't an activity I do when I'm bored, its special and I'm only planning on sharing it with that special person. I don't want STD's and I don't want kids (at least, not right now) and protection doesn't always work 100%. Besides, sex complicates things. No thanks. I'll stay a virgin until I'm married, thank you.  |
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| #19 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | My only problem with the "no sex until marriage" sentiment is that it makes sex seem like a dirty or bad thing. I know for my part, my parents pushed this sentiment for me, and by the time I got a girlfriend and we were ready to get physical, I was scared. I was scared for really no good reason other than I felt that what I was thinking about or participating in was inherently "bad" or "sinful." After I did have my first sexual experience, I realized that was foolish on my part. It only promoted fear and a self-loathing for going with my natural desires.
HOWEVER, I can also see the other side of the argument, because long after I had lost interest in this girl, I was still going out with her (and I think the same on her part as well) solely because of the physical attraction. So while I don't think sex should be portrayed as evil (because that's just not healthy), I also don't think that sex should be the defining portion of any relationship, as is the trend with many kids my age. |
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| #20 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #19 by araharu | Reply | Precisely,
Sex is between two consenting adults. That really care about eachother.
However, Sex is not the basis of the relationship.
It's normal to want to have sex.
Rape on the other hand is considered a violent Physically painful thing, however in my case, I was confused about whether it was rape because THERE WAS NO PHYSICAL PAIN. I was expecting a Rape to hurt physically, but I was raped it didn't hurt, so I didn't think I was raped until well after my child was born and I dumped my EX for other personality conflicts. See my short story "Love at first sight" in my Blog. |
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| #21 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #19 by araharu | Reply |
My only problem with the "no sex until marriage" sentiment is that it makes sex seem like a dirty or bad thing.
This goes for your entire post, but I know exactly what you mean. That's why when you teach kids and teenagers that sex should be saved for marriage, you should stress that it's not because it's dirty, it's because it's special and should be saved for that one special person. Also stress that it's ok for you to desire sex as long as you have self-control and you're willing to love the other person more than you love your desires.
It should also be stressed that if you do end up making mistakes, it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. You can always start over. Even if you're no longer a virgin, it doesn't mean that you'll always be a dirty slut or anything like that. It's not easy to start over, it's not easy to learn from your mistakes sometimes, but I know people who have and it's simply amazing to look back at how they were before they decided to change their lifestyle. Simply amazing.
I'll keep this as vague and anonymous as possible, but I know a guy and girl who during their sophomore year got into a relationship and they were very physical. He always bragged about what she would let him do to her. He was an ass and she was a snob. After they finally broke it off permanently, both of them had their own air to breathe and under some personal circumstances decided to change their lifestyles and by the end of their senior year they were on good terms again (though not dating).
HOWEVER, I can also see the other side of the argument, because long after I had lost interest in this girl, I was still going out with her (and I think the same on her part as well) solely because of the physical attraction.
I hear that story a lot from the kind of books I was recommended about sexual purity and whatnot. It's really nice to read it from someone's personal experience. Thank you. |
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| #22 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | | Thats why it is more important that you love each other even without sex, before having it. Otherwise it'll end up in the situation where the guy got the girl pregnant either ends up running away into Mexico or is married to her through a shotgun wedding. |
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| #23 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #22 by Yuikiko | Reply | Which is exactly my point. :)
Marriage just solidifies that love. Makes it harder to just walk out on. |
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| #24 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #19 by araharu | Reply | My only problem with the "no sex until marriage" sentiment is that it makes sex seem like a dirty or bad thing.
The only people really that follow that belief are religious people, according to the bible it is a sin to have sex before marriage because sex is supposed to take place between two adults that love each other, it's a bond of love if you will. I am a christian and fully believe in that. |
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| #25 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Interesting fact:
5 kids out of my class of 14-15's are non-virgins
OH SHI- |
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| #26 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Isn't there a correlation between the rise of STDs and the "Free Love Movement?"
No actually. in the 1800's Syphilis was a huge problem, and pretty much as far back as human history STD's exited and have thrived. Humans inherently have sex. Thats what we do. There really was no time of celibacy in the human history, sex is just something people have always done in vast quantities and without end, this generation isn't special in that regard. after I had lost interest in this girl, I was still going out with her (and I think the same on her part as well) solely because of the physical attraction.
This brings up a good point that I feel needs to be discussed in society in general, but has often been avoided for a more 'romantic' view of sex. Sex and Love have no correlation. Just like Love and Hatred are not opposite emotions. I know I have both loved and hated someone at the same time and you can have sex with someone without even liking them. Sex and Love are two entirely different things but I think people have no idea what 'love' really is. I may not be an expert or anything, but I think everyone thinks Love has something to do with attraction to another person, and that drawl is what makes you love them, no. Thats is what makes you attracted to them. What makes you love someone is trust (as corny as that may sound). Love has very little to do with attraction in my opinion. Love is almost entirely about trust. Once you trust someone with every facet of yourself, or at least most of it, that is love. When you feel comfortable with someone despite each others rampant human flaws and misgivings, and even your evils, then you love them, but sexual attraction will 9 times out of 10 obscure your true feelings about a person, which is why it's important to know sex.
I think it's way more than important to be comfortable with your sexuality. I know I am not, which is why I feel this way. Being sexual and accepting your attractions and emotions for what they are, instead of using them as a blinding excuse for love, is important. It's not a good idea to have lots of sex with tons of different people obviously, but having some sex with some people isn't as harmful as everyones parents and churches want you to believe. It's also important to know the line between liking someone, wanting to have sex with someone, and loving someone. Wanting to have sex with someone is fine if you feel comfortable enough to tell them that and take precautions. Liking someone is great too, but you have to know the difference between like and love. I've liked a lot of women, Hell I've liked over half the women I've ever known (of course which guy really hasn't?) but I have yet to really love one. Love isn't really a once in a lifetime thing, or something your built for one person in the world for and all that. love is just something you rarely find and often times exploit. Being yourself, and I mean you, you, not who you think you are or who you want to be, is very rare in our world. Finding someone to put up with your dumb ass is even rarer.
Anyway as you may have noticed I left out marriage so far. There is a reason for that. marriage has nothing to do with any of what I've written. I have no idea why it's always seen as some sort of natural ending point to love and sex, but really marriage is a thing all by itself. It is a legal institution set up by respective forms of governments. Marriage didn't even exist way back when the bibles were written and all that, you just found someone and stuck around them to keep each other afloat and sometimes out of necessity or desperation. Marriage was just some sort of weird creation of bureaucracy for various reasons. Marriage is just something we're told is the natural end point of a relationship, when really it's just some random thing people threw together. If you think about it, marriage doesn't make a lot of sense outside of simply wanting to be with someone you like and trust and help support each other. Outside of that it's just a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo without much meaning.
Anyways, all this is just my opinion, which I am sure no one will agree with. |
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| #27 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #26 by RedRook | Reply | I agree with a lot of it, actually. Love is trust in someone, love is not a feeling of highs and butterflies that you have every single time you're with the person. Sometimes when I'm with my boyfriend I don't have that feeling and that's ok. We just like to hang out together as friends too; not everything we do has to be romantic, we can just be friends as well.
Marriage isn't the end of anything either; it's a completely new beginning. Marriage didn't just start out as legal stuff either, so back in the Bible days it wasn't exactly what we think of marriage today either. In the English translations of the Bible they use the terms husband and wife even back in Genesis, but like I said they probably had a bit of a different meaning, but they were still "married" I guess. I think it later turned into a more ceremonial thing in the Judeo-Christian tradition, I don't really know when, and then during the early days of the Catholic church took the pagan tradition of wedding rings and integrated them with Christian matrimony. It later became just a bunch of legal stuff later in history when the law was Christian and people were called Christian but they didn't act that way, and then church and state separated more and more and now under the law without much of its original Christian meaning while churches still make it more spiritual and significant.
That's just how my mind processed this history; feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about something.
according to the bible it is a sin to have sex before marriage because sex is supposed to take place between two adults that love each other, it's a bond of love if you will.
Actually the Bible speaks against "fornication," which is a fancy word for premarital sex. I'd give you some passages but I can't think of any right off the top of my head and I don't have a Bible on me... and I have to be in class in 5 minutes. :P |
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| #28 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | Actually the Bible speaks against "fornication," which is a fancy word for premarital sex. I'd give you some passages but I can't think of any right off the top of my head and I don't have a Bible on me... and I have to be in class in 5 minutes. :P
Yeah. when I posted that, I didn't have one on me either, I was typing that using what I could remember, otherwise I would of done the same thing (post some passages). |
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| #29 Posted 4 months ago | Reply | I guess if parents press the no sex before marriage thing into you too much, then sex would feel like a dirty or bad thing... however I personally made this descision out of choice... this choice was pivoted on a respect for sex, it's an intimate act between two people, pretty much one of the most intimate of things that a couple can do... How special it is in the mind of a person can depend on the bond that that person has with his/her partner... if it's a weak relationship, it might seem throwaway and superficial... if it's a strong relationship, it might seem like the pinnacle of intimacy...
Now, when two people make their vows to each other in marriage, that's a special moment... it's a moment where they are (in theory) no longer able to back out of their relationship if something is not to their liking... it's a commitment, the couple vow to be together until death parts them... that is why, firstly, the person you are going to marry, must be chosen very carefully, the relationship worked on and built up over time before making the commitment...
some people have said that the type of commitment that marriage is, is an unfair one because you might be stuck with someone you'll lose interest in or he/she might turn out to be a psychopath... However, this would be where careful, thorough, thoughtful choices must be made instead of quick, spur of the moment ones based on inexperience... Love is about much more than your "interest" in your partner...
It's a huge decision, and both parties go through it together. Saving one of the most intimate acts for after this monumentous decision simply makes sense to me... why throw it away in a relationship that is not bound by such a bi-lateral covenant, which therefore has absolutely no assurance of tenure?
(basically there is no agreement or assurance that the relationship will last... marriage at least puts the length of time it will last for as being until the death of one of the parties, or where there is adultery)
Of course marriage may not last... and quite a few don't... and the number unfortunately is quite high... but at least there is something there that both parties have agreed upon... it takes trust that neither party will forsake the vows, but hopefully that trusting and loving relationship has been built up, without the requirement (and possible stumbling block) of sexual activity, over time, prior to making the vows...
(BTW: my dad, being.. well.. a dad.. actually promoted and encouraged pre-marital sex by buying contraceptives and giving over the feeling that he would be "proud" if I had had sex... in a "that's m'boy" kinda way, parental force in either direction is dangerous and can lead to a rejection of those values in favour of the opposite. However, one of these opposites is dangerous, and the other is slightly more sensible in my opinion... ) |
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| #30 Posted 4 months ago, in reply to post #17 by MrsSallyBakura | Reply | Well, I'm finally replying to you, I hope it's not too late. To answer your question simply, no, I don't think sex and marriage should be related.
See, the way you're talking you make it sound as though marriage is just a part of life. What you're suggesting, it seems, is that at some point in everyone's life a love happens, and as a result two people marry and spend the rest of their lives in a loving relationship, etc., etc.
Now, call me Mr. Nontraditionalist if you like, but I don't happen to share your world view. As I see it, love is sporadic and unforseeable. It's not something you can create, it's not something you can summon, and it's not something you can assign to a certain time period in your life.
I myself don't expect to get married at any point in my life. That is not to say that I don't believe I'll ever marry someone, but I don't expect to be married. In fact, the only time I would ever even possibly consider something akin to marriage would be after I've met someone I'd actually want to marry. Because that's the only time you can actually make such a judgement, right?
What it seems is that anticipating marriage to the extent that you'll actually plan your sex life around it is kind of like making a reservation at a restaurant for yourself and someone who you've never actually met. It's a plan for something that you really have no way of anticipating, yet which you're going to use to plan your entire lifestyle.
Perhaps this "no sex until mariage" concept held some water back when marriages were, you know, arranged, but in the world of today it's a shaky investment to say the least.
Also, I'd just like to comment on something else you said, about how marriage didn't start out as just legal stuff, but that its nature as a legal contract is a modern construct...I'm sorry, but if I remember my history correctly (which I think I do), it's the other way around. Marriage has always been a legal ceremony, and it is perhaps less contract-oriented now than at any other time in history. First off, keep in mind that traditional marriage, from almost any part of the globe, originates from very mysogynistic cultures. So, the fact that in many senses men literally owned their wives, also keep in mind that women had virtually no choice in who they married...because it was a business arrangement. Marriage has throughout history been a system through which families have established exchange of goods, property, and people. In the modern world, to the contrary, marriage is almost the opposite, in the sense that women can marry whoever they want, and that people do not bring property into the marrage so much as they amass their own property after the marriage...and the families aren't effected in the same way.
So marriage in the modern world is really as liberal as ever, and has less legal and economic implications.
Also, just a comment on the whole thing with the safety from STD's if two people marry as virgins...keep in mind that if either spouse has an affair, they can contract an STD and transmit it to their partner...the real way to significantly reduce the risk of contracting an STD is to practice safe sex. Always. Even if you're married.
Okay, I'm done. |
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